On Gay Rights and other matters- an interview with self

So Nana, what do you think about gay rights? When are you going to blog your stance on gay rights?

I think we should ban Lesbianism but actively promote gay (male and male )relationships because losing your girl to a lesbian is like losing two girlfriends at the same time and that is really hard on a man. But when we promote man to man relationships, heterosexual men will have a bumper harvest :)

Nana, you are joking right?

(Long loud laugh) Of course I am joking. Definitely joking.

So, on a more serious note, what do you think about gay rights?

What do I think? Honestly, who cares what I think? People are going to shag who they want to shag anyway.  That is not what I am thinking about. At least, I’m not going to see the child of any gay couple leaning on my window and begging me for money whilst I sweat it off in the Accra traffic. They are not what I am thinking about? 

You are a Christian, and a vocal one at that… you must have a stance on gay rights for sure?

Yes, I am a Christian and that should mean that I follow Christ. Last time I checked, Jesus, personally didn’t say a single word on homosexuality… so I think I should do likewise… He however said quite a bit about religious hypocrisy and God's love, true repentance and whoever has not sinned before casting the first stone.  I am tired of throwing stones, when I need some to build my own house.  I've been thinking about that bad-mannered, bow legged, lazy landlord of mine who increased my rent by 75% a few months ago, and still keeps knocking on my door, half-drunk, cap in hand, asking for salt, pepper and toilet paper. That is what I am thinking about.

I am thinking about the guys who get paid every month by a company they work for. A company that has employed them to seek its interest  and that of their clients but these people are rather busily stuffing their own pockets by commissioning third party suppliers who will give them fat bribes; and not the ones most suitable for the job. How can you saw off the very branch you are sitting on? 

I am thinking about all the hypocrites who pretend their marriage is amazing, their sex life is splendid, their children are wonderful and everything is fine. Who are you deceiving? Even an idiot knows happily ever after only happens in fairytales.  The joke is on you, you know? Tell the truth and shame the devil. Tell the young couple who come to you for counselling that your sex life is boring and you’ve run out of spices. Tell them sometimes, you wish you hadn’t had kids. Tell them you’ve cheated on your spouse a million times in your forty years of marriage; at least in your mind. Lying to these young people makes you look good but it doesn’t help them. Tell them you’ve considered murder and suicide a few times. Tell them your marriage is stronger for all of it. Tell them the truth.

So Nana, these are the things you are thinking about? 

O, there is more. Why do Ghanaians so settle for mediocrity? Look at the Black Stars, they played as if they all had chronic constipation. Look at our most recent elections. The dominant slogans from the two big parties were “Free SHS” and “E dey bee k3k3”.  I didn’t know SHS was in prison till that campaign started; and how “E dey bee k3k3” managed to beat them is still beyond me. 

Nana, are you saying the election wasn’t fair?

No, I am saying the campaigns were pathetic and uninspiring. As for the fairness bit, the court is going to decide. What I think is not fair are the fellows who teach my children in school. When your 7 year old’s homework has the word announcement, spelt “annoucement” more than once, you know that is what the teacher wrote on the board. No, he doesn’t attend a government school. He attends a school that costs a liver, an arm and a leg but still decides to employ teachers who can’t spell.  That, I think is not fair.

Enough of your personal issues. What do you have to say to young folk who read your blog?

I am thinking about that young lady, who rolls her eyes sexily at a photographer, a potential employer or lecturer and says “I will do anything”. You will do anything? For a grade, a job, a little fame, you will do anything?  Is that the best you can do? Are things that bad? Are you that affordable? 

I am thinking about that young man who uses the Slave Trade as an excuse to work as a 419/ Fraudster/ Sakawa/ Internet Boy/ Con Artist. I am thinking about the young man who spends his whole day lifting weights and downing steroids so he could service discarded goods who turn up here as sex tourists. I am thinking about that man who videotapes sex with his lover or spouse and posts it on porn sites for the whole world to see. Do you hate yourself that much? Do you hate her that much? Is this the best you can be? Is that your best shot at life?

Nana, finally what do you think about global warming?

Global warming? I need to cool down first.