It’s Friday night. I have hard-earned money to spend. I don’t mind footing the whole bill. Yes, we are not going dutch. We are going me. The only problem is… I am all alone. Alone, rich and lonely. My heart is freezing from lack of touch.
All the friends in my life are busy. We are all too busy making it. The question is, what are we trying to make? What is it that changes us so? We who were once snuggling, hugging, trusting earthlings have a strange way of growing into irritable, self-righteous, lonely losers. Once you take the money out, we have nothing; and that is too tough to admit. Losers.
Today, I want to throw caution out the window and smile at a stranger. Giggle at them. Heck! I want to hug a stranger and tell them something nice I see in them. What is the use in being proper, if it’s gonna kill you properly? I want to notice someone else today. To take my eyes off me and see you. Your beautiful eyes, your just-a-little-crooked nose, your rabbit teeth, your Prince Charles Obama ears. I see you. And if my courage fails me, I will pull out my old address book and holler some old, forgotten friends.
I won’t pretend I don’t have some answers. I dated a girl who deliberately forgot my birthday or fought with me a few days prior so she didn’t have to give me a present. I had a friend I considered a brother sell me a fake watch for the price of an original. I was too trusting to check. I built a wall between us. I have lists of folk who only call when they are in need. Some even make me feel I owe them something. It’s easier to avoid them than deal with them. Good Lord knows how many walls now guard my heart. Yet, what we build to protect us, is what kills us… softly.
So in spite of the strong repellants out there, like the Raid bug, I choose to push my walls over. To every single wall of fear, suspicion, cynicism, aloofness, cold-heartedness and pain I shout: PUSH OVER! PUSH OVER! They might get me but if they don’t, at least, I get to see the world. I get to run again. I get to play again. I get to laugh again. I get to meet other bugs and together, we infest the world with laughter, trust, hope and joy. I want to get sticky.
Monday, 16 November 2009
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